"I am on a drug," Sheen told ABC. "It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body."
This answers yet another timeless question: What was in that chalice that the Nazi drank from in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Clearly, he was drinking Elixer of Charlie Sheen.
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